Publish date: 8 September 2022
To mark World Suicide Prevention Day (Saturday 10 September) one of the Trust's staff has shared her experience of losing a patient to suicide and the impact it has on mental health workers.
Lilian Hove is a practice development nurse in West London Forensic Service and has described the tragic toll it takes on staff when a patient in their care dies.
"I did not lose one patient but two and in a space of six months" Lilian said.
She continued: "As a ward manager I thought I was going to be blamed for the deaths and that I wasn't good enough to be a leader.
"I thought about stepping down from my role, but I didn't want to walk away a failure.
"It was really difficult to accept the loss, but I had to be kind to myself, and I learned to accept that there are some things that you cannot change.
"I needed to be there for my team and family who were also going through the grieving process."
Lilian said she felt isolated after the death, which she could not disclose to friends or family for confidentiality reasons.
She said: "It was difficult to explain to my friends and family and I didn't want them to influence my decision about whether to remain in my job.
"I am a woman of faith so I did take solace in that. I did a lot of reflection and also tried to stay in the present. I was lucky enough to have colleagues who would phone and check in on me. I found comfort in being with my team and I allowed myself to grieve."
She said her colleagues understand what happened and their care and concerns made Lilian realise she was not alone.
She said: "Staff support, reflective practice, clinical supervision and staff counselling were all offered. Whilst going through the process I also continued with my day-to-day job as a ward manager."
She added: "At times there were some difficult conversations which I had to deal with, but on reflection they just made me stronger day-by-day."
Lilian said by reflecting from the sudden deaths the team was able to learn and move forward and process the loss.
She explained: "Patients on my ward also wrote a card to the nursing team that said 'we are hurting and we know that you are also hurting, but do not leave us as we do not want to remain cared for by strangers'.
"This meant a lot to the team," explained Lilian.
She said: "We tried not to abandon our patients and each other. We also felt that there was a risk that other patients might also struggle if they felt abandoned."
Lilian hopes her words will help staff if ever they're experiencing a similar loss.
She said: "The first thing you need to do is look after your wellbeing and be aware of your own limitations.
"Allow others to look after you. Being vulnerable is not a weakness but a strength. Give yourself permission/time to grieve/process and talk about loss.
"Use support which is available or has been offered to you and don't blame yourself, instead find positive ways to cope.
"At times serious incidents are unavoidable, be prepared to have difficult conversations with families, at fact finding meetings and at times at the coroner's court."
She added: "Understand the importance of risk assessments, care planning, documentation and proper handovers. The importance of staff listening to what patients say - risk of complacency, especially with patients who may repeatedly express suicidal feelings."
Moving forward Lilian said she has been able to put some of the learning she experienced into practice and showed that she refuses to be discouraged in her line of work.
She added: "I became one of the clinical risk trainers because I wanted to share my story. I am also passionate about care planning because of my experiences at the coroner's hearing and I am also aware of the importance of collaborative care planning."
She is also happy to speak to other staff about the experience of losing a patient as a result of suicide.
If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this blog post you can seek immediate mental health support via the Trust's Single Point of Access (SPA).
The SPA is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Call us for free on 0800 328 4444. For more information on the help we provide, click here.
The Samaritans also offer a 24/7 helpline you just need to call 116 123.
Alternatively, if you are a member of staff you can contact their is mental health support available to you via Keeping Well North West London (NWL). You can find out more information about that here.
