Publish date: 14 May 2025
For Mental Health Awareness Week (MHAW) 12 to 18 May, five of our service users speak about the different ways in which their communities, involving family, friends and professionals from West London NHS Trust’s Perinatal services have supported their mental wellbeing during some of the most difficult periods in their lives. The theme for MHAW this year is Community.
*If you are pregnant, or a new parent living in West London and are affected by the issues in these stories you can get support by texting the word HUG to 85258.
In part 1 of this feature, Hounslow mum Anita explains the transformative power of having her community rally around her, while Ealing resident Rebecca talks about how community helped her to realise she wasn’t alone in her struggles.
“It was a lifesaver” – Anita’s story
Anita was waiting to collect her son from nursery, when she burst into tears from sudden abdominal cramps.
Having already suffered several maternal losses, she was terrified of losing another child. Staff and parents at the nursery quickly gathered around her and phoned her husband.
“My son’s nursery was incredible. I had support from every angle, but that has come through me sharing my story of loss. If people hadn’t known what I’d been through, they probably wouldn’t have gone above and beyond to support me. I’m very blessed to have my community behind me because it made things just that little bit easier,” said the Isleworth mum of two.
For Anita, the power of community has been transformative in her mental health journey.
She was struggling with high levels of anxiety due to her fear of loss; experiencing anxiety attacks, temporary loss of vision, cold sweats and migraines, so her midwife, whom she lovingly calls Aunt Sant, referred her to West London’s Perinatal Mental Health Services.
“My mother, who is a retired senior midwife , used to work closely with Aunt Sant for many years. It was a real full circle moment. She was my midwife in all six of my pregnancies, so knowing my history, she referred me. I went into the (Perinatal) service not really knowing what to expect.
"My biggest fear was opening Pandora’s box and not being able to close it. But it was a lifesaver. My therapist created a safe, non-judgemental space and she was able to get the best out of me and I got the best out of the service. I learnt how to function during heightened stress and it has enabled me to realise that although anxiety may rear its ugly head again, there are tools to help me cope and feel more in control. It allowed me to be a bit more self-aware. Our sessions were a lifeline.”
“I’m still here”
“I’m still here, still living, still thriving. I’m not sure I could have gotten through it without her.
“Post-natal trauma doesn’t just affect females so it was wonderful that she enabled me to share the tools and do certain exercises with my husband. This collaborative effort helped my journey immensely. I still use many of these tips now, beyond the pregnancy” said Anita.
Anita said her community was everyone from her family members and manager at work, to her therapist, midwife and church family.
“Once I plucked up the courage to share my pregnancy news, everyone was on hand to help me with the practical and mundane day-to-day tasks so I could simply focus on my emotional health and wellbeing. My parents and in laws would do a big pot of Jolloff rice or fried rice with chicken, and leave it at the door so I didn’t have to think about cooking. Those were such simple, yet beautiful gestures that really helped,” said Anita.
“Aunt Sant was and still is a huge force in our lives and a permanent part of our community. Her guidance, empathy and loving care were invaluable. My husband was proactive in checking in with me emotionally, my parents and siblings balanced the need for support with giving me adequate space when I required it.
“I was signed off work at three months pregnant after having the cervical cerclage operation. My manager continuously emphasised that family was my priority, that work could wait and that my colleagues were all thinking of me. My son’s nursery were really understanding, allowing me to pick him up a little later if I’d had a hospital appointment and even helped prepare him emotionally for the big changes that were about to take place. He was three.
My son Christian was also part of the community that helped carry me through my pregnancy too. Unfortunately, he had witnessed the early losses of our twins and a singleton, so we didn’t share our pregnancy news with him until we had reached 26 weeks. Though only little, he could sense I needed some sort of reassurance and would tell me every morning ‘Mummy, we’re going all the way’… and all the way we went! Our answered prayer, Èlia-Noelle, was born on 29 May 2023.”
[END]
“It saved me” – Rebecca’s story
“I do think it saved me, the support was invaluable. Even invaluable seems like too weak of a word, I can’t express how much the perinatal support I received helped.”
Three years ago, 31 year old Rebecca was trying to juggle the joy of becoming pregnant with the grief of losing her mum just weeks before.
“When I first discovered I was pregnant, I had no idea about the support that was available. I didn't know what Perinatal Mental Health was or what it even meant. It was only when I broke down in a midwife appointment that she told me about a service to support mothers, who have a whole range of mental health situations going on.
“Immediately, that gave me some light in a situation where everything seemed so unfamiliar. Managing extremely raw grief and being pregnant for the first time were both so unknown,” said the Ealing mum of one.
Through the Perinatal Team, Rebecca started seeing an occupational therapist and having 1-to-1 appointments with a psychologist, among other health professionals.
“Accessing and engaging with the support on offer was the most important thing I’ve ever done in my life. In the 1-to-1 sessions we addressed the devastating experience I’d had in recent months but also proactively worked to support my future. We created a birth plan and took into account how the loss of my mum, who would have been a major support network, could show up during birth,” said Rebecca.
“It saw me through the worst times”
Rebecca had become very anxious about being on a labour ward with patients who had their own mothers and new and excited grandparents visiting. Our Perinatal professionals worked with her to agree on strategies that might help, things like reframing how she might feel about birth, mental coping strategies and practical solutions such as drawing the curtains or perhaps moving her to a side room.
“Planning with the psychologist, the midwife and wider team really settled my fears around the emotional side of the birth and what was to come afterwards. With the plan in place, I was able to have the most special and magical time bonding with my baby after he was born, while also acknowledging my grief by having my mum's perfume with us on the day. Once my son arrived, I took baby massage classes, cooking classes and a Circle of Security course with my husband to develop our parenting style together. It was special to bring my husband into the Circle of Security training as he had gone through everything too, so it became an amazing support for him as well.
“It was life changing to go from feeling extraordinarily sad and hopeless to experiencing the happiest and best moments of my life, meeting my son Nico. The service saw me through the worst times and got me through to enjoy the best times.
“At the start I was just trying to survive through pregnancy but through the sessions I was able to thrive as a mum.”
Rebecca said her community, comprising health professionals, her husband and other women who had experienced perinatal difficulties helped her to navigate the lonely road of grief.
“Grief can be really lonely because the sadness just became part of my every day. As others around me started to get on with their lives, I was struggling to get on with mine. I found community in the form of healthcare professionals who were always available and supportive.” said Rebecca.
“There’s a presentation that pregnancy is a purely beautiful and magical experience. It was nice to meet other women who also had points in their story that didn’t fit that mould.
“The support I received was transformative for me as a mum. While I will carry grief, and the ever-present longing for my mother to meet her grandson, with me for the rest of my life, I now have coping strategies that will last a lifetime. Through accessing the service, I am a much happier person and mother – more so than I ever thought possible.”
